International Cemetery & Funeral Management
Celebrants
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By Eulette ICFM Author Spotlight
973.746.1792 Eulette
is co-founder and national director of Celebrant USA Foundation. She
previously worked for 15 years as an interactive sales and marketing
executive.
The Celebrant www.Celebrantusa.com is a nonprofit
educational organization dedicated to training celebrants and to promoting the
use of ceremony to mark the milestones and transitions of life. Celebrants
certified to officiate at funeral and memorial services are listed by state
on the Web site, where there is also information about celebrant training. |
It's easy to talk about the importance of offering families CREATING CEREMONIES WORTH
REMEMBERING Families today are increasingly looking for
ways to personalize funeral and memorial ceremonies so they better reflect
the person's life, no matter how simple or complicated it may have been. There are many ways that celebrants can and
should personalize ceremonies, including speaking with family and friends
before writing the ceremony and encouraging family participation in the
ceremony itself. At the heart of the
ceremony, we should look to incorporate the hobbies, pastimes and passions
of the individual we are remembering. This can be done in a tasteful way
that reflects the person's true nature, and, in turn, the things that he or
she loved.
Gathering the information As a funeral
celebrant, you should collect information essential to creating ceremonies by
conducting an unhurried interview with the family to ensure accuracy, warmth
and meaning. During this interview, the family will share many details about
the life of their departed loved one, from the school days and neighborhood
friendships to information and adult life. By asking pointed yet caring questions,
the funeral celebrant can and should be able to paint a vivid picture. Once
informed, you must then go about the creative process of writing the eulogy,
carefully choosing appropriate readings and arranging for the music selected
by the family. Even when you have
spent a lot of time preparing the eulogy, you should carefully review it with
family members ahead of time to check for accuracy. You are then ready to officiate at the
ceremony, a duty to be performed with compassion, sincerity and care, whether
it takes place at the funeral home, crematorium, cemetery or other
location. The three examples that follow are from my work with families. They
show how stories and objects or symbols that can be woven together to create
personalized and authentic end-of-life ceremonies
Remembering the lost babies and
celebrating Families The couple
struggled to have a family through the in vitro fertilization process; over.
Several years they suffered the death of three babies, all stillborn. Five
years later, they had a family, daughters 3 and 5 years old, but they had not
forgotten the babies who would have been their daughters' older siblings. They chose to honor the memory of those
three brief but precious lives in a springtime ceremony. Family and friends
gathered at their home and garden. The parents expressed the importance of
family, their love of life and the joy their two young daughters have given
them. Throughout the
ceremony, they used symbolism and homegrown rituals to honor the children who had not survived. One beautiful
example: The family planted three evergreen trees in their garden, one in
memory of each of their stillborn babies. In a meaningful and deeply teaching way,
this family discovered that through ceremony they could pay homage to their
family, present and past. They were able to honor the life experience of
having children end of losing children, and were able to share the ceremony
with the people in their lives they love the most.
Giving a father and best friend a
fishing pole salute
When their father
died, the two brothers in their 30s also lost their best friend. Throughout
their lives, the three had been inseparable. Together they shared the best of
times, deep-sea fishing, clearing brash by their oceanfront property, simply
hanging out, playing guitar and, most of all. Watching the glorious sunrises
on the beech. Every summer, the whole family,
including grandchildren, enjoyed time together at their golden oasis by the
sea. Early one morning, the eldest son was helping his father untangle the
shore brash when his father suddenly fell ill. No one else was in sight. He
held his father in his arms and shared the last few
moments of his life. As the sun rose, his father passed away.
For their father's funeral ceremony, the two men wrote song to honor
his memory. Neither of them was much for talking; they were more comfortable
sharing their loss with family and friends through their guitar music. Prior to the viewing, the celebrant asked
guests to bring their fishing poles and line them up in the funeral home near
the casket. It resembled a military procession, with a fishing pole rather
than a gun salute. The ceremony was
tore and heartfelt. The two sons were able to communicate their feelings and
the close relationship they had shared with their father in a sincere and
meaningful way, and everyone who attended was able to participate in showing their love
and respect for this beloved father and friend.
Remembering all the colors of a long life A Dutch landscape artist, father,
grandfather husband and musician took his life at the age of 81. A little
known fact is that worldwide, it is not uncommon for elderly people to take
it upon themselves to end their lives at a time and place of their own
choosing. Family members then have to come to grips with their death and find
away to grieve and honor their lives as well as respect their personal
decisions about dying. Although suicide is a difficult subject to
talk about, and some clergy would rather not deal with these deaths. It is so very important for people whose
loved ones have taken their lives to find
a dignified way to pay proper tribute and respect to that life. Denying a ceremony for someone who took
their own life is damaging to their family and friends, both emotionally and
psychologically. Bringing the family and loved ones together to share the
grief and to understand the history and spirit of the person is vital for
mental health and well being. Through
a carefully crafted ceremony that tells the story of the deceased-heritage,
history, loves, hates, talents. Relationships, accomplishments, foibles, failures
and joys-we paint the picture of a real person. We tell the story,
heart and soul, and we share it with family and friends. An in-depth personal
eulogy, or life tribute, becomes in itself `life affirming,' a meaningful
record for families and a legacy passed down to future generations. For this artist's funeral ceremony, all the
grandchildren and great-grandchildren painted something to be placed in his
grave a gift from younger generations to a previous one. The ceremony
elaborated on the great Dutch heritage that thrives in the family of artistic
expression through tine art painting. Every one of those 13 cold draw or
paint.
The ceremony acknowledged that this man who a very talented artist
also suffered during his life was from various illnesses, went blind and.
upon losing his dear wife of 50 years, who had died the year before, lost his will to live. One of the artist's grandsons, who had been
very much influenced by his grandfather, had become a fine artist himself. He
also arranged, not long after the funeral, a meeting with a curator to view
his grandfather's work, now displayed in the National Museum of An.
As these vignette, about lives remembered and honored illustrate,
showing an appreciation for life helps s appreciate our own lives. There is
no better way to honor our deported loved ones than to create a ceremony
that truly reflects the person we loved. |
After the funeral or
memorial service, our celebrants present families with a beatutiful copy of
the eulogy as a keepsake. _______ -Charlotte
Eulette, National Director
Celebrant _________ For ceremony samples and guidelines for a personalized eulogy, go to: celebrantusa.com/funeral.html |
